The Mindset Trick That Makes Change Feel Less Scary
Dec 18, 2024
We’ve all heard the saying, “The only constant is change.”
So why does it so mostly feel so hard?!
And what can we do to welcome it—or at least stop suffering because of it?
Many experts say our thoughts about a situation hold the key.
They point out that situations themselves are neutral. Just the facts, ma’am.
For example, in my life, I’ve mostly been a stay-at-home mom, but now my kids are almost grown.
That’s a fact. No emotion. No interpretation.
It’s my thoughts that bring up the emotions and determine how I feel about that situation.
I might think:
“I’ve spent the last 20 years focusing on my kids, and now they don’t need me. I really don’t know what I want to do with my life, and I’m already 50! I should be further along in my career. I don’t even know myself or my interests—and I’m running out of time!”
That could feel true. And … it makes me feel bad. I suffer when I think that thought.
But here’s the thing: the practice isn’t about slapping on rose-colored glasses and channeling your inner Pollyanna. It’s not about denying what’s painful or pretending you’re loving it.
The practice is this: Can there be another thought that feels equally true—but makes me feel better?
In this case, here’s another thought I believe:
“Wow, time flew. In some ways, it’s hard that my kids don’t need me as much anymore, but this is also a chance for me to find something I want to do for myself.”
And that thought? It makes me feel better. It helps me to welcome the change I’m experiencing instead of freaking out or beating myself up. Most of all, it’s something I can truly believe. It’s just as true as the first thought.
And it does help.
That said, sometimes we just don’t want to feel better. Sometimes, we need to sit in a good funk because it feels authentic and natural. Sometimes, we just need to acknowledge that life can be hard and that we don’t like it.
And that’s okay, too. The key is to be honest—with ourselves, about what we’re feeling, and about the choices we always have.
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